You Don't Owe Anyone

20 Things You Don’t Owe Anyone

“Never explain – your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway.” – Elbert Hubbard

How many things in your day do you do because you feel you should? Well honestly, the word “should” should be eliminated from our vocabulary. The things we “should” do take us away from the things that matter, the things we must do to live our best and happiest life.

When we stop doing things because we feel we should and start defining the boundaries around what will add value to our lives, we can get on with the business of living our life.

The biggest thing we need to stop doing is explaining our decisions to others in hopes of their support. We should be confident enough in our decisions that someone else’s opinion doesn’t matter.

We all judge even when we try our hardest not to. We watch people, form opinions and make assumptions based entirely on their observations. So it’s no surprise that we assume other people are judging us. Knowing judgment is happening all around us, we feel the need to constantly explain ourselves to make sure people see us as we want to be seen.

How many times have you pretended to feel fine and tried to convince someone of this fact even though it is clear you don’t feel fine at all? We’ve all done it. Instead of faking fine try just being real without the need to apologize or explain. Give yourself the freedom to … Just. Be. Human. Everyone has imperfections, why bother to hide it?

Explaining takes your power and gives it to the other person. The best decisions come when we listen to how we feel and our gut instinct. But those sources aren’t usually well received in an explanation, so we make up an explanation the other person can relate to.

Unfortunately, there are many of us that feel the need to explain even though we know we shouldn’t. An explainer is waiting for someone else’s approval, and there is a lot of wasted energy in the waiting. It’s this waiting period that doubt creeps in; depression begins to expand, and unhappiness takes root. Waiting is wasted time.

When we explain, we move away from our greatest source of wisdom – our inner guide. We stop honoring ourselves and start placing more importance on the other person.

It’s hard to overcome the tendency to explain, but it can be done with focus and intention. Awareness is the key. To help you become more aware, here are 20 things you don’t owe anyone an explanation for.

1. You don’t owe anyone a justification for your values and your priorities.
2. You don’t owe anyone a yes when you want to say no.
3. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your relationships, whether lovers or friends.
4. You don’t owe anyone assistance with their happiness journey at the cost of your own.
5. You don’t owe anyone a debate around your political views especially when the other person’s mind is made up.
6. You don’t owe anyone an apology when you are not sorry, and you would make the same decision again.
7. You don’t owe anyone a rationalization about why investing in yourself is important
8. You don’t owe anyone the meaning of what you believe in.
9. You don’t owe anyone a change in your appearance just to please them.
10. You don’t owe anyone friendship, especially when they do not share your values.
11. You don’t owe anyone a negative mindset so that you can commiserate with them.
12. You don’t owe anyone access to information about your life that makes you uncomfortable
13. You don’t owe anyone gossip material about other people just to fit in.
14. You don’t owe anyone your time for their projects or for things that matter to them unless they matter to you too.
15. You don’t owe anyone the commitment to try something “new” just because you were asked.
16. You don’t owe anyone a safe place for constant complaining and dwelling in their poor choices.
17. You don’t owe anyone an answer other than the truth to prevent them from being uncomfortable.
18. You don’t owe anyone your services as a crisis counselor unless you are actually a crisis counselor.
19. You don’t owe anyone false compliments just to make them feel better.
20. You don’t owe anyone anything that doesn’t make you feel good and goes against your gut instinct.

Just remember this:

“What other people think of me is none of my business.” – Wayne Dyer

and then remember this:

“You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove.” – Maya Angelou

Dieting

How to diet

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Low carb, the 5:2 diet, detox, cabbage soup ... there is no shortage of novelty diet programmes promising to help you lose weight fast.

The big question is, do they work? Most do lead to fast – sometimes dramatic – weight loss, but only for the pounds to creep back on again at the end of the diet.

More worryingly, many fad diets are based on dodgy science or no research at all, prescribing eating practices that are unhealthy and can make you ill.

In 2011, the British Dietetic Association warned against following popular diets such as the Dukan diet, which it said was complicated, not based on scientific evidence and reportedly did not lead to long-term weight loss.

Five reasons to avoid fad diets

Many weight loss diets promise to help you lose weight quickly. Often these diets only focus on short-term results, so you eventually end up putting the weight back on.

Here are five reasons why following the latest novelty diet may not be a good way to lose weight.

1. Some diets can make you ill

Many diets, especially crash diets, are geared to dramatically reducing the number of calories you consume. "Crash diets make you feel very unwell and unable to function properly," says dietitian Ursula Arens. "Because they are nutritionally unbalanced, crash diets can lead to long-term poor health."

2. Excluding foods is dangerous

Some diets recommend cutting out certain foods, such as meat, fish, wheat or dairy products. Cutting out certain food groups altogether could prevent you getting the important nutrients and vitamins your body needs to function properly.

3. Low-carb diets can be high in fat

Some diets, such as the Atkins diet, are very low in carbohydrates (for example, pasta, bread and rice), which are an important source of energy. While you may lose weight on these types of diets, they're often high in protein and fat, which can make you ill. Low-carbohydrate diets can also cause side effects such as bad breath, headaches and constipation.

"It has been suggested that the high protein content of these diets 'dampens' the appetite and feelings of hunger," says Arens. Many low-carbohydrate diets allow you to eat foods high in saturated fat, such as butter, cheese and meat. Too much saturated fat can raise your cholesterol and increase your risk of heart disease and stroke.

4. Detox diets don't work

Detox diets are based on the idea that toxins build up in the body and can be removed by eating, or not eating, certain things. However, there's no evidence that toxins build up in our bodies. If they did, we would feel very ill.

Detox diets may lead to weight loss because they involve restricting calories, cutting out certain foods altogether, such as wheat or dairy, and eating a very limited range of foods. "Detox diets do not work," says Arens. "They are, in effect, a form of modified fasting."

5. Cabbage soup, blood group, the 5:2 diet and other fad diets are often far-fetched

Some fad diets are based on eating a single food or meal, such as cabbage soup or raw foods. Others make far-fetched claims, such as encouraging people to cut out certain foods from their diet based on their blood type.

Intermittent fasting, which includes the increasingly popular 5:2 diet, is a pattern of eating where you eat normally five days a week and fast on the other two days. Fans of the 5:2 diet say it can help you live longer and protect you against disease.

Often there is little or no evidence to back up these claims, and it can be difficult to keep to in the long term. "If followed over long periods, these diets can be very unbalanced and bad for your health," says 

Arens. "You may lose weight in the short term, but it's much better to lose weight gradually and to be healthy."

How to lose weight the healthy way

We put on weight when the amount of calories we eat exceeds the amount of calories we burn through normal everyday activities and exercise. Most adults need to eat less and get more active.

The only way to lose weight healthily and keep it off is to make permanent changes to the way you eat and exercise. A few small alterations, such as eating less and choosing drinks that are lower in fat, sugar and alcohol, can help you lose weight.

If you're overweight, aim to lose about 5-10% of your starting weight by losing 0.5-1kg (1-2lb) a week. You should be able to lose this amount if you eat about 500 to 600 fewer calories than you need a day. An average man needs about 2,500 calories a day and an average woman about 2,000 calories to stay the same weight.

Six ways to kickstart your healthy weight loss plan

Here are six simple things you can do to eat healthily and help you lose weight. 

• To reduce the amount of fat you eat, you could trim the fat off meat, drink skimmed or semi-skimmed milk instead of full fat, choose a reduced- or low-fat spread, and replace cream with low-fat yoghurt.
• Eat wholegrain foods, such as wholemeal bread, brown rice and pasta. They're digested more slowly than the white varieties, so will help you feel full for longer.
• Don't skip breakfast. A healthy breakfast will give you the energy you need to start the day, and there's some evidence that people who eat breakfast regularly are less likely to be overweight.
• Aim to eat at least five portions of a variety of fruit and vegetables a day. 
• If you feel like a snack, try having a drink first, such as a glass of water or cup of tea. Often we think we're hungry when really we're thirsty.
• Swap drinks high in calories for lower calorie alternatives – that means drinks that are lower in fat, sugars and alcohol. Swap a sugary fizzy drink for sparkling water with a slice of lemon. Don't 
• forget that alcohol is high in calories, so cutting down on alcohol can help you control your weight.

Exercise and weight loss

Regular physical activity will not only help you lose weight, but could also reduce your risk of developing a serious illness. 
The amount of physical activity that is recommended depends on your age. Adults aged 19 to 64 who are new to activity should aim to build up to 150 minutes of moderate-intensity aerobic activity a week.